Directed by Asia Youngman, “Surviving The Silence: A Roxane Gay Story” is about an eponymous woman who went through an assault that completely changed the direction of her life. The central character, Roxane Gay, always aspired to be a writer, but she never knew that she would have to use her own terrifying experience to make it to the publishing house. After many struggles, psychological trauma and intense emotional distress, Roxane Gay finally emerges as a successful woman through self-acceptance and healing. Spoilers from here on.
Why Does Roxane Shift To A Boarding School?
Roxane is a simple and innocent girl whose life revolves around her books and family. She is young, only 12 years old, when Christopher, the son of her neighbor, snatches away her innocence. At first, Christopher pretends to like Roxane, but deep down his intentions are evil. He, along with his friends, physically assaults little Roxane to the point where her life splits into two halves – life before the assault and the one after the traumatic incident. She cannot move past whatever happened to her because it is impossible for a girl to forget such an incident. It is because of Christopher that Roxane cannot trust boys anymore. Her nervous system betrays her by making her anxious and agitated most of the time, even without her knowledge. Roxane avoids telling anything to her parents because she is afraid that they would not believe her. Also, psychologically speaking, it is actually very difficult for a woman to report such an incident to anyone, for that matter. She is afraid that revealing the truth about Christopher would cause her trouble she wants to avoid. Roxane is already dealing with a lot of pressure after the assault, and she does not want to invite any more of it. At school, some people get to know about the incident. Since Roxane does not want to face these people anymore, she decides to change schools. She believes that getting herself admitted to a boarding school will alleviate her emotional distress, but unfortunately, that does not happen.
Why Does Roxane Gain Weight?
While Roxane is in boarding school, trying her best to cope with everything that she had gone through, she starts to rely on food, junk food, to be honest, as her source of comfort. Roxane starts to believe that if she eats more, she will become stronger and healthier and will be able to fight off unsolicited advances from evil boys like Christopher. Ultimately, her idea does not really work because she develops a complicated relationship with food items. Roxane overeats to the point where people are astonished by her, even her parents. Her daily meals are followed by numerous snacks that she cannot stop devouring. Roxane’s parents do not understand the real reason for her weight gain, so they take her to a doctor and make her follow a liquid diet over the summer. It helps Roxane for the time being, but this diet does not last forever.
Why Does Roxane Get Tattoos?
Some people get tattoos for aesthetics and to look cool, but Roxane’s reasons for getting tattoos are intentional and deep-rooted in her trauma. As a young 12-year-old, she could not decide for her own body. Christopher and his friends made a decision for Roxane’s body that she cannot wipe off, even if she tries to. Her power over her first act of physical intimacy was taken away from her forcefully, without her consent. She did not understand the difference between physical assault and romantic intimacy, so she thought she had sinned. Everybody around her made choices for her body except herself. Her parents decided that she had gained a lot of weight, so they took her to a doctor and made her follow a diet that she despised. It was not her who decided to lose weight, but her parents who made the decision for her. Therefore, as an adult, the only thing that Roxane does is get tattoos of her own free will. Getting inked on the body is her form of self-expression and freedom. Her tattoos remind her that she is the one who has absolute control over her body and she does not need anyone to dictate what to do with it. Roxane is the sole owner of herself, and it is only she who will ever get the chance to decide for her body.
Why Does Roxane Have a Difficult Relationship With Her Body?
Roxane has a difficult relationship with her body because even with her tattoos, she is insecure about herself. People around her constantly make her feel that she is not enough and that she is defined by her weight and not her worth. Her parents once told her that people would not be able to look past her body to know how worthy she is. Well, it is somewhat true because it is known that the first impression is the last, and Roxane’s weight comes in between how people view her. Her difficulty is further fueled when her girlfriend, Melanie, breaks up with her because she is ashamed of Roxane. Melanie makes it very clear to Roxane that she is unable to take her to work events because of her weight. She tells her to lose weight and come back to her again, but Roxane does not wish to continue things with Melanie anymore. After Melanie, Roxane gets into a relationship with a guy named Gareth, but things do not last long with him. Gareth loves Roxane completely. He always reminds her that she is way worthier than her body. Gareth is the only one who looks past Roxane’s appearance and loves her for who she is. However, Roxane ends things with Gareth as well because she constantly believes that he flatters her with false compliments. She has an ugly idea of herself in her mind, which makes her relationship with Gareth complicated. Roxane lets her misery drive her life, which is why she has stopped taking care of her body, which constantly makes her feel uglier.
What Happens To Roxane In The End?
In the end, Roxane achieves her dream and she does become a writer. She publishes her book named “An Untamed State” and an essay collection titled “Bad Feminist,” where she writes everything about the horrific assault that she went through. Her parents finally get to know the truth after so many years, but they do not react negatively; instead, they support her as much as they can and advise her to heal through therapy. Roxane takes their advice and goes on to publish her book, “Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body,” which ends up becoming a New York Times Bestseller.
